


if things were different

by thecanary



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drug Use, M/M, Suicide, clearing out my onenote, general in the flesh warnings, i wrote this a while ago so its not my best work but i do like it, like i mention a few characters, so like major character death for that but also shh, their deaths r swapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 14:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecanary/pseuds/thecanary
Summary: Amy dies of a drug overdose, Simon by his own hands, and Kieren, oh Kieren, it's leukaemia that gets him. Also a brief thing about Rick's death.





	if things were different

amy dyer is this 20 something who has always felt so happy and sure now she needs to use drugs to keep as happy as she was when she was younger (and she won't listen to a word of anything that anyone says that wanting to be as happy as you were when you were 10 is unrealistic) and its perfectly fine up until she mixes together the wrong cocktail of drugs and overdoses, her last thoughts just pondering on how unfair it is, that wanting to be happy caused this awful calmness and she didnt realise what the calmness was until it was too late

and simon monroe, a poor gay kid with a history of self harm and depression, and a mother who wishes she could care enough to show him that he's worth it, and an absent father, and one day his parents go on holiday, and he just wants to feel something, something stronger something deeper something more, so he just cuts himself, only he loses control and goes a bit deep, and in his last moments he is internally screaming with joy because finally he feels something even if it is just pain at least something is real to him until it isnt any more

and kieren walker, oh kieren walker, who has been diagnosed with leukemia for half of his short eighteen years, and is just sick. of. it. he's sick of being in hospital and sick of being sick. he picks up art because it doesnt take up too much energy, and he can do it while he's sitting around for hours for chemotherapy, and all of the nurses who attend to him have a painting of themselves, in his beautiful art style, that they had never seen anything like before (and wouldn't see anything like it for a long time afterwards), and after years of fighting, and remission, kieren wants to give up, but with a younger sister who hangs on every word he says like gospel he has to stay he knows he just has to. so when he finally dies, he's relieved sure, no more pain, no more suffering, no more getting in his parents' way with sickness and hospital bills, but he's also angry, he's so angry. he wanted to see his sister grow up, he wanted to have an art exhibition, he wanted to graduate with his boyfriend rick, and congratulate rick on being in the army, and he wanted to die on his own terms, not because some disease decided it for him. 

(and even bill macy, in this universe, realises who his son is in love with, and sure he doesn't accept it, but at least he can blame kieren and his leukemia when rick gets a bit too risky and downward spirals, letting an IED that would have - if he'd been careful - at least left his parents with a body to bury, but no, rick died and disappeared for good, not a trace of him left in the world. and this was what made kieren the saddest when he came back alone, and found out that he'd never see rick again)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope to expand this out into a full length fic, maybe go through how the show would have played out differently like this, especially the "how'd you croak Kieren Walker" scene and maybe some others. feel free to comment to ask for my discord, im on tumblr @bloodymercutio. enjoy babes


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